“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”
This age-old saying has been said and heard by almost every American over the age of 6, but is it true? Do “names” never hurt? How about when someone turns their back on you excluding you from the circle? Or you catch a friend rolling their eyes at something you’ve said, or an instant message crosses your screen calling you some awful names.
Today, I’d like to talk about friendship, and how you conduct yourself with your friends, especially when you’re in a fight. It is important to realize that conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and it’s also important to understand how to handle your anger and work toward resolving your conflicts. Let’s hear what some Hillview students have to say:
STUDENT INTERVIEWS
What do girls do when they are angry with their friends?
What do guys do when they are angry with their friends?
VIDEO CLIP
From “Odd Girl Out”
So rumors, I-Ming, excluding, social isolation, gossiping, eye-rolling, purposefully pitting friends against one another, using sarcasm at another’s expense, and revealing secrets of friends are all common ways of dealing with conflict and anger in a relationship. And they are very hurtful, and very destructive. There’s actually a term, developed in the early 90’s by a researcher from the University of Minnesota who found that these types of bullying behaviors generally focus on damaging an individual’s social connections within the peer group. The term refers to any act that actively excludes a person from making or maintaining friendships or being a part of the group, and in Action Team today, you are going to try to figure out what that term is.
We all know how important friendships are to our happiness, and learning appropriate ways to deal with conflict and anger is extremely important. Expressing your feelings calmly and directly as you talk to the person directly about what’s bothering you is always the best way to resolve something. It’s a life skill, and, if you find yourself struggling with it, Ms. Watts and I are here to help, as are your parents, teachers, and coaches.
Don’t get caught up in alienating and hurting the very people you count on to support you in your own times of trouble. Friendships are fragile, and sometimes they take hard work, but they are ALWAYS worth it!
Activity
In addition to trying to come up with the term for this kind of behavior (relational aggression) students will be brainstorming positive ways to deal with anger and conflict in a friendship.Character is not only what you say; its how you act….
